winter beginning

photo by suku

jelly fish dead body is simply interesting

photo by suku

home

dear home,

thought you had changed

thought you were gone

thought you forgot

thought you refused

but you never changed

thank you

writing and photo by suku

the rain, right there

photo by suku

a conversation

(on the phone)

hey can i ask your opinion?

sure. what about it?

remember i told you i got hockney's poster book at a used book store for five bucks and really happy about it, right?

yes

the book is pretty big, and

how big?

it's like twice as dali book you gave me as a gift

twice as the book? holly shit, that's so big

well, maybe not so big, maybe one point five times big.

but still it's really big!

no, i mean, not that big, really.

but it sounds like a really big poster book. So cool.

it's nice but not super duper big, you know?

i wish i could see it, sounds like,

well, can you please stop saying it's a big book because i feel like you're imaging a really big book and I need to tell you it's not so much and as i'm telling you this I'm looking at the actual book from one feet away and feels like its not so big anymore and even start feeling stupid to pay five bucks for this tiniest book ever. ok? please stop saying its a really big book!! all i wanted to ask you was if it's a good idea to cut each pages down and frame them, but now it's just ridiculous to even hang them on the wall because they are not big and cool anymore. so, please please stop saying that.

im so sorry babe



writing by suku

Love you like I love hockeny

when we buy a house in spain

i hope we can paint our pool together

yeah, it's a lot of work, i know

but just imagine how much our future baby would love it

baby, my love




going back to a same home

eating same things

sleeping in a same bed

and having a same dream together

what else we need?

what else makes us happy?

writing by suku, with a photo of hockney 

breakfast

photo by suku

new start

expectation only brings us disappointment

disappointment brings us hopelessness

hopelessness brings us no expectation

no expectation brings us surprise

surprise brings us excitement

excitement brings us happiness

happiness brings us lives

it's a new start

writing and photo by suku

where my mom walked

photo by suku

winter memory with

photo by Ellie with R, me, and W

life

her dad passed away few days ago

i met david hockney after

you control your life

some did theirs

he did his

writing and photo by suku

adventure

i am sorry, babe.

sorry for taking the adventure.

clearly i needed to see what was there.

i will never go that far. where you can't see me.

it was so difficult to control this boat without you.

but now, i learned that i can't even make a left by myself.

please tell me "how can you be sorry for what you needed to do?"

please tell me "everything is ok now. nothing will change. nothing."

i am sorry.

writing and photo by suku

where we met

D: Hi

M: Oh hi...I'm sorry, I.. I know you from...?

D: Public Humiliation?

M: Yeah, right, yeah, obviously, yea. But not before that..? i don't know you from somewhere else?

D: Not that I know of... you look very familiar tho.

M: yea...hm

photo by suku, lines from "take this waltz"

a hole

photo by suku

the days

I work for a cafe close to a subway station. People come and go, they just spend their tiny moments of their lives in this tiny place.


I serve this guy for almost 3 years. He seems harmless, at least to this cafe employee. Yet his pathetically ordinary atmosphere really annoys me. He comes to the cafe almost everyday. Well, it maybe just 2 weekdays and 1 in weekends, which is practically everyday for going to a cafe to drink a same god damn thing. Every time I see him, my day is over. It is just unbelievably sad. He smiles a lot. And I always want to betray it. I try to annoy him. I want to upset him. I want him to give me the what-the-fuck look. Taking orders wrong, taking too long to serve, making the muffin too hot so it gets burned, I would do anything to see the sad face. However, he never gets annoyed. And that really annoys me again. This circle goes on for 3 years.

 I'm sure you can tell I really hate this job. I really do. Just baking scones, making shit coffee, surrounded by beautiful hipsters as they think they rule the world. And why did I pick this job? Simple reason is I need money. I tell this to people not to admit that I'm also a part of this useless predictable shallow hipster culture. Because, I am not.

I hate Williamsburg, I mean it. Especially Bedford Avenue. I only work for this depressing place because I used to live on Metropolitan Ave, yet I live in Bushwick now. I hate people live in Bedford, new people by the river. Young hipster wanna-bes, who actually can afford to do everything with their incomes. Let me tell you, most of pure young hipsters get some support from their parents, or someone. If you are already in 30s and in the fucking same situation, don't even realize you now only hang out with younger ones, and forget how old actually you are, Congratulations. You are the national treasure; Losers.

Me? Nah, I won't stuck this job for long. Im telling you. I'm just making some money because I don't have anything interests me yet. Now is not the timing for me. I love music, art, photography, cinemas, and all that. I know I'm gonna do stuff like that in the future, I'm good at it, all my friends tell me so. I just gotta eat for now.

When the guy from the cafe told me he always knew that every mistake I made was on purpose, I was good at not showing a freaked-out face. I said it was not on purpose and he was misunderstanding. He said that was ok, and he would forgive me. I told him it was all coincidence. He kept telling me it was all good, and he was not upset. I whispered him to please go and fuck himself. He seemed shocked at first, but laughed and asked me to go on a date in next weekend. At this time, I was really bad at hiding the freaked-out face.

The next weekend, we had a walk together. It wasn't really a date, just walking in the park by the river. I still hated the new people who live in the area. He asked me if I wanna take the water taxi or not. I didn't say anything only because I really wasn't sure if I wanted. He walked to the ticket machine and we realized that water taxi is closed till the next month. I felt some people looking at us thinking we were stupid tourists. I was really embarrassed. He notices my face expression and said there was no need to be embarrassed. I was upset. I really was.

writing and photo by suku

gone

photo by suku

JR

photo by suku

chilly day

I set my alarm because it was a garbage day

I wanted to throw all the shit away

I went out with short sleeves

It was little chilly billy

But it was all good

All good

writing and photo by suku

teenage wall

photo by suku

a bridge

New York City.

Cold rain and snow mixed weather. A young guy in a suit with an older guy also in a suit on a street. The rain is not too bad, so they are not holding umbrellas. The older guy looks tipsy and this young guy taking care of him and trying to catch a cab on a street in lower east side. The young one seems very tired to spend his Friday night with his client.

One cab stops in front of them.

The young one holds the older one and both get into the cab.

A: North 11th and Wythe, please.

The cab starts moving.

A noticed sweet strawberry smell like when he had to step in Victoria's Secret with his ex before.

B burps. His head is leaning on the window and eyes are closed. He seems really drunk.

A sighs.

Silence.

Driver: do you have the exact address?

A: ...no. No, I don't. Just the corner of 11th and Wythe is fine. The new hotel.

Silence. A seems worried little bit.

A: do you know how to get there? Take Williamsburg bridge, right?

Driver: uh huh

A brings his head to the tiny glass window to be closer to the driver. He notices the driver is blond white lady with fitted t-shirts. A looks surprised little bit.

A brings back his body to the seat slowly, but can't take his eyes off from the back of her head.

The sound of wipers for the back window resounds. The rain doesn't look so bad.

A seems worried about the direction she takes. She keeps the cab on the very right lane on the bridge, and A assumes that she knows the fastest way to get to the hotel.

The cab is getting off the bridge. Passing by Peter Luger sign. A seems relieved and sighs little, sits deeply on the seat.

A can see the driver is drinking Red Bull. Her hand holding the can is with pretty red colored nails.

The driver asks slowly with lower mature voice with eastern European accent, breaking the silence.

Driver: have you guys been drinking?

A: wha....? Ah, yeah. Not me so much though.... Why you ask?

Driver: people say windows gets smoky when someone with alcohol in the car. Caps used to use the methods.

A: huh......never heard of it.

Silence

A: are you?

Driver: me? ha, no. Just Red Bull. No tequila in there. No worries.

A: I hate tequila with Red Bull.

Silence.

Except the sound of window wiper on the back still goes on.

Driver: I don't know how to stop the thing.

A: what thing?

Driver: the window wiper.

A: oh. Haha.

A laughs little, starts laughing lauder.

The driver laughs as well.

A: that's actually very cute.

A looks at Metropolitan avenue sign.

A: never seen a lady driver like you in NYC. Interesting.

Driver smiles.

Driving while.

The cab gets to the hotel.

A wakes B up with shaking his shoulder. A pays and both get off.

A holds B, leading to the entrance.

There is a smile on his face.

writing by suku

valentine for ronnie

photo by suku